Day 2

Again today I read a little in _SubMerge_ during my mini-Sabbath. Here's the thought that came out of it, one I really need to hold in my heart for awhile:

I want to LOVE, not just ENJOY the people I live with. There's a big difference. I really enjoy my life here at Joshua Station. I enjoy the beautiful little things that happen, the children who come to my door and the moments I spend tutoring or making jewelry with my neighbors, or driving them to the grocery store.

But if I really *love* little Maria, I'll think about her when she's *not* at my door. I'll remember that she had a bad day at school yesterday and maybe I'll call to see if today was any better. I'll pray for her. If I really *love* my friend Amanda, I'll initiate time with her when I have other things to do. I'll play games with her. I'll feel a little empty when I *haven't* had time with her.

I think maybe I can develop some of this through practice -- remembering daily that this is what I want to do and who I want to be. A lot of it, however, will have to come directly through the Spirit of God, so I'm praying he'll work it in me.

I vaguely remember...maybe *not* so vaguely...being afraid of this kind of thing, but I don't feel afraid any more. A tiny little wave of overwhelmediness (my own word -- thank you!) rises up, but it's quickly stemmed by memories of God's faithfulness to me. I remember that God has *commanded* me to take a Sabbath rest each week, and I remember what I learned only yesterday: I am not to give my life TO the Kingdom. I am to live my life IN ministry.

Life in the Beautiful Kingdom is just this way: we love each other. We are not isolated, looking out our windows to merely enjoy the view. We step outdoors and greet each other, invite each other in, feed and clothe each other. We live together.