No posts for 15 months, then three in one day!
I'm happy now, as this weird Sabbath day ends. My puttering resulted in a relatively-clean kitchen and front room. I decided I'd spare my downstairs neighbors and not clean the floors tonight (it's midnight!).
I do NOT feel:
--miserable that I spent my Sabbath cleaning
--bummed that I didn't get it ALL done (the bedroom is still pretty much a wreck)
--stressed that I'm facing a busy work week again
In fact, since I work at home I'm feeling really happy about the work week beginning. I have a pleasant place to work!
So I'll keep on puttering whenever I have a little time, instead of crashing. I'll bet the difference in calories burned will add up, and I know the difference in my state of mind will be pretty huge, also.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Laziness
It's really weird that, after a zillion false starts, I haven't been able to lose this weight. I know what needs to be done. Fewer calories in, more calories out. Lower-glycemic eating. Exercise to build muscle mass so I burn more calories even when I'm sleeping. I've even learned to eat healthy food, and my fridge and cupboards are closer to vegan than any of my skinny friends will ever dream of.....
So what the HECK??!! Here's the thing (or ONE of the things): I'm LAZY. I have to face it, and today I really tried. Today, a sabbath day with no other priorities, I decided I would focus on overcoming the laziness. I woke up in a messy, dirty apartment (again), and spent most of the day nearly motionless (again); but this time, I observed it. I talked through it. I tried to understand this girl lying in bed, staring at TV shows she had zero interest in watching.
Around 5:00 p.m., I asked myself (out loud): "Why are you doing this? What is keeping you from moving? Why would you choose this laziness, on a day specifically set aside for nothing but to battle it?"
I tried to be honest in my answers (also out loud): "I'm afraid I'll get tired and overwhelmed. I'm a little depressed. I'm uncomfortable standing or even walking across my apartment."
And I tried to understand that I'm not bad. I tried to be kind to myself, like I would with anyone else struggling with something they hate: "I know it hurts a little to get up and get moving, but don't worry, you won't hurt yourself. It will be uncomfortable for awhile, but ultimately you'll be *more* comfortable, if you go through it. The depression will lift, too. And it doesn't have to be all-or-nothing. Just move a little, do something. No other expectation."
So I started. I put some dishes in the sink. I sat back down. Talked to myself some more and got back up. It went on like that for the rest of the evening. I didn't have any real goal in mind -- just do *something*.
Sometime early on, I came up with a word for what I was doing: "puttering." This is what people do (isn't it?). They just kinda do stuff. They just pick something up and put it away, wash the dishes that are in the sink, tidy up a shelf or whatever. They stop and start, and don't even think about making a big deal out of it. They putter.
So I stopped for awhile to do something else: I made a little sign that says "I (heart) Puttering!" and put it on my fridge. Dopey, I know...but it was another thing I did. No big deal.
To do stuff...at all. To do stuff without making a big deal... To do something just because it occurs to me to do it... This is all going to sound ridiculous to a lot of people who have lived it all their lives. I have spent so *many* years "stuck," it's a HUGE revelation to me. Life-changing!
So I'll try to walk in this, and after awhile I won't have to try very hard, and eventually it will be natural...and something else will be the new frontier.
Thank God for Sabbath.
So what the HECK??!! Here's the thing (or ONE of the things): I'm LAZY. I have to face it, and today I really tried. Today, a sabbath day with no other priorities, I decided I would focus on overcoming the laziness. I woke up in a messy, dirty apartment (again), and spent most of the day nearly motionless (again); but this time, I observed it. I talked through it. I tried to understand this girl lying in bed, staring at TV shows she had zero interest in watching.
Around 5:00 p.m., I asked myself (out loud): "Why are you doing this? What is keeping you from moving? Why would you choose this laziness, on a day specifically set aside for nothing but to battle it?"
I tried to be honest in my answers (also out loud): "I'm afraid I'll get tired and overwhelmed. I'm a little depressed. I'm uncomfortable standing or even walking across my apartment."
And I tried to understand that I'm not bad. I tried to be kind to myself, like I would with anyone else struggling with something they hate: "I know it hurts a little to get up and get moving, but don't worry, you won't hurt yourself. It will be uncomfortable for awhile, but ultimately you'll be *more* comfortable, if you go through it. The depression will lift, too. And it doesn't have to be all-or-nothing. Just move a little, do something. No other expectation."
So I started. I put some dishes in the sink. I sat back down. Talked to myself some more and got back up. It went on like that for the rest of the evening. I didn't have any real goal in mind -- just do *something*.
Sometime early on, I came up with a word for what I was doing: "puttering." This is what people do (isn't it?). They just kinda do stuff. They just pick something up and put it away, wash the dishes that are in the sink, tidy up a shelf or whatever. They stop and start, and don't even think about making a big deal out of it. They putter.
So I stopped for awhile to do something else: I made a little sign that says "I (heart) Puttering!" and put it on my fridge. Dopey, I know...but it was another thing I did. No big deal.
To do stuff...at all. To do stuff without making a big deal... To do something just because it occurs to me to do it... This is all going to sound ridiculous to a lot of people who have lived it all their lives. I have spent so *many* years "stuck," it's a HUGE revelation to me. Life-changing!
So I'll try to walk in this, and after awhile I won't have to try very hard, and eventually it will be natural...and something else will be the new frontier.
Thank God for Sabbath.
Time Warp...15 months later...
Amazing...I haven't written since November of 2007.
And I'm still basically the same weight: right around 385. Since I last posted, I dropped down to 370, but I'm back up.
So here we go again..............
I'll keep ya posted.
:) Lori
And I'm still basically the same weight: right around 385. Since I last posted, I dropped down to 370, but I'm back up.
So here we go again..............
I'll keep ya posted.
:) Lori
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