Continuing Education...

This is such a long process -- it seems like I'm relearning everything I ever learned about food and movement. Today I completely failed...but I think I learned something, and I hope it will stick.

I don't think it's always been this way, but lately it seems like I lose weight when I'm on vacation, and I tend to binge when I'm busy and even when I'm fulfilled and happy -- but busy. When I have time to make choices and I'm relaxed and free to do what I really want to...I choose healthy food, I push myself to exercise more, and I enjoy moving.

But when I'm busy (like I was today -- from 7:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m.!), it doesn't seem to matter whether I'm enjoying what I'm doing or not. I don't have the time I want to think about what I really want to eat, or what will make me feel good...and I fall back on old habits that I have long since discarded because they make me feel like crap.

I ordered food in twice today -- Chinese at lunch time, and hot wings and cinnamon bread after the last of the kids left at 8:00 (so I didn't start *eating* that heavy meal until after 9:00!). I didn't want to eat like that. I didn't enjoy the food. I found myself longing for sauteed tomatoes and good whole wheat bread...but my kitchen is full of dirty dishes, I have no groceries in the house, and I couldn't see myself taking the time to cook.

Here's the thing, though -- I *did* take time to eat. I made the phone calls (after stressing out for a couple of hours each time about whether or *not* to make the phone call), and I stopped long enough to eat -- and to eat too much! So, would it really have been more time away from my work to eat well?

I really think it has to do with changing habits. The new habits are becoming my preference, but they still take energy to choose. The old habits feel effortless, even if they really aren't.

I have no idea whether any of that made sense...