Making it easy for myself

Another thought -- a little brighter and easier:

The highest priority in my life, right now, is to lose this weight. And the thing that most deters me is when things start to feel hard. And it seems to be a defect of my character that things really easily begin to feel hard. It's the fear -- that's the ultimate enemy, and I've known it for years, really.

For the last few days, I've essentially told myself that I didn't have to do anything but stay under 2000 calories. Nothing else had to happen -- just that. Of course, I can't live that way forever, and that's why I'm feeling paralyzed tonight.

So -- the next priority is this: make things easy on myself. This is my fifth day of "sobriety" (defined as 2000 calories or less). If I want to have a sixth day, and I'm going to get anything else done, I have to fight off the fear. And until I can conquer the fear, I have to make it easy for myself -- so there's nothing to fear.

At this point I'm certain that no one is still reading, so this is just for me: what will it take to make tomorrow easy for myself?

1) Clean clothes.
2) Food planned and prepped.
3) Work week planned, and if I can get the work space organized that would be a bonus.

That means that cleaning the kitchen drops off the priority list, which takes some pressure off.

Also -- this week I need to add exercise. Making that easy tomorrow just means carrying my swim bag with me, and going to Washington Park because I'm used to going there, instead of going to Glenarm, even though it's closer.

Otay. I feel a little better. It will be interesting to read these blog posts later, when I'm a little less psycho.